Laugh Date: Saturday, August 19, 2017

What's Inside

Best of RAH96
Taglines From October 1996


If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Do witches use spell checkers?

Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh d'etat!

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\PC\CRAWL

The name is Baud, James Baud.

BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go

E Pluribus Modem

Mainframe - the largest available PC peripheral

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

A computer's attention span is only as long as its power cord.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Windows - just another pane in the glass.

Ultimate office automation - networked coffee.

Press any key... no, NOT THAT ONE!

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt driven.

A fate worse than a fate worse than death? That sounds pretty bad. - Lord Blackadder

Read my chips. No new upgrades.

Programmer - a red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.

People with no vices usually have annoying virtues.

Taglines from the motion picture Blazing Saddles

"To tell a family secret, my grandmother was Dutch." - Bart

"Send a wire to the main office - tell them I said... 'ow!'" - Taggart

"We've gotta protect our phoney-baloney jobs, gentlemen!" - Gov. Le Petomaine

"I didn't get a 'harrumph' out of that guy." - Gov. Le Petomaine

"Gentlemen, please, rest your sphincters." - Hedley Lamarr

Not to worry, everyone is equal in my eye." - The Executioner

"Excuse me while I whip this out." - Bart

"Oh, baby, you are so talented. And they are so dumb." - Bart

"Well, raise my rent! You are the kid." - Bart

"I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille." - Jim

"The little bastard shot me in the ass." - Jim

"I always like to keep my audience riveted." - Bart

"These are... the common clay of the New West. You know, morons." - Jim

"Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo!" - somebody named Johnson

"Mongo ain't exact a 'who.' He's more of a 'what.'" - Jim

"Candygram for Mongo!" - Bart

"Let's face it, I'm tired!" - Lili Von Shtupp

"...them schintzengrubens can wipe you out." - Bart

"Mongo only pawn in game of life." - Mongo

"They said you was hung." - Charlie "...and they was right." - Bart

"Alright, I'm through being Mr. Goodbar." - Hedley Lamarr

"Boy, is he strict!" - Jim

"And now, for my next impression, Jesse Owens." - Bart

"'Head them off at the pass?' I hate that cliche!" - Hedley Lamarr

"I got an idea that'll slow them down to a crawl." - Bart

"Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!" - Taggart

"Piss on you! I'm workin' for Mel Brooks!" - Slim Pickens

"Not in the face!" - Buddy Bizarre

"Get your pies for the great pie fight!" - Baker

"Taxi! Drive me off this picture." - Hedley Lamarr

"Wow! You shot the bad guy." - Jim

"Come on, let's check out the rest of the flick." - Bart

"Nowhere special. I always wanted to go there." - Jim

______________________________

Random Nonsense:
Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me.
 

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