Best of RAH96:
by Debbie Farmer
Copyright © 1995 D. Farmer, All Rights Reserved.
There is no person more qualified to run the country than a mom. She would
straighten out this country while talking on the telephone, making dinner,
wiping runny noses, and doing her nails. There would be day care in every
ball park, a stroller on every golf course, and a changing table in every
She would run on a Dependent Party platform with the slogans "Don't say no
(to me young lady)" and "Don't cross your eyes you'll stick like that." She'd
promise that Mother's Day would be a paid holiday in the Bahamas, instead of
a card and a breakfast that looks less appetizing than old gym socks.
She would end all world conflicts by issuing time-outs to quarrelsome world
leaders and making them say they're sorry. Guns and violence would be banned
from the streets "Because," she would state, "it's not nice and someone could
get hurt." Hardened criminals would be sent to their rooms without television
or supper and fast food restaurants would only serve fresh meat loaf, peas,
Nuclear physicists would stop working on weapons and spend their time
developing a play dough that didn't crumble all over the living room carpet,
while meteorologists researched a way to prevent it from raining more than
two days in a row.
A mom would also use tough negotiating skills to persuade Democratic and
Republican congressmen to support her views. "This is what I get for climbing
ten flights of White House stairs with bad knees to deliver a fresh batch of
chocolate chip cookies to Congress?" She'd pause. "Eat, enjoy. It's
Only a mother would be able to balance the Federal budget by negotiating a
strict weekly allowance for politicians based on attitude, personal hygiene,
and taking out the garbage.
Big Bird would replace the eagle as our national emblem and the Statue of
Liberty would be replaced by a sixty foot, portable potty chair as the
symbol of freedom.
Yes, this country could definitely use a mother to lead it; but the hours
are long, the pay is low, and they already have the most important job in
Debbie Farmer graduated with a BA in Creative Writing from the University
of California, Santa Cruz in 1988. She currently teaches reading to children
with special needs, gives flute lessons, and tries to raise two children.
She also contributes similar articles to local publications.
More of Debbie's work can be found on her
"Family Daze" website.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.